Infertility Journey: You Are Not Alone

A flood of emotions have run through me as this week, National Infertility Awareness Week, comes to a close.  It wasn't that long ago that my husband and I were on the Infertility Journey ourselves.  The journey itself is draining, emotionally, physically, and financially.    Imagine yearning for something your entire life, knowing in your heart that you will become pregnant one day, only to be told that your body isn't capable of creating life.  Sitting through multiple doctor's appointments each week, requesting off work, being poked and prodded regularly, and spending every dime you have to hear the words "you can't conceive naturally".  The journey itself is very lonely.  But I am declaring to those migrating through infertility, "You are not alone". 

God tells us in Isaiah 41:10, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." 

Infertility is an isolating disease, impacting 1 in 8 couples.  You sit in the waiting room with several other couples, making eye contact, wondering what their diagnosis is, and yet while you're all experiencing the same struggle you feel completely alone.  However, we are not alone in Christ, there is no need to fear infertility.  Each time you walk in that waiting room, Jesus is walking next to you.  He's holding your hand while you get blood taken and have ultrasound after ultrasound.  He's embracing you when you discover you aren't pregnant again or miscarry, and through Him you find the strength to continue going to the doctors and seek treatment.  He is whispering to you, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you" (Isaiah 43:2).

Your hope to carry a child comes from God.  I remember finding indescribable comfort in Psalm 62:5, "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him".

About half way through our journey, I remember doubting my dream to be pregnant and thinking "maybe this isn't God's calling on my life, maybe I'm not supposed to carry a child, maybe I'm not even supposed to be a mom."  Then one day, I prayed asking "God I have this yearning, this desire in my heart to have a child.  I want to carry a baby, but Lord I don't know if this is my own selfish desire or if it is Your calling on my life.  Heavenly Father, I am bringing my desire to you, and I am asking you to remove this desire if it is not Your will.  If I am not to conceive or carry a baby, I ask that you remove this desire from my heart and give me peace."  Can I tell you, after I prayed that prayer the desire in my heart only became stronger!  God was reaffirming, "Yes!  My calling on your life is that you will carry a child.  Trust in Me." 

God reminded me then to "Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.  Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:3-4).  

Trusting in God is what brought us through so many painful appointments and consultations.  Our story is so different, as is everyone's infertility journey.  For us, we decided to walk away from treatment, stop "trying" and just lean on God.  In just four months we were pregnant, but miscarried; the next month we were pregnant, but miscarried.  At that point the doctor wanted to have a consultation and I remember him saying "Well, you couldn't get pregnant for years and now you've gotten pregnant twice.  We need to figure this out."  I looked at him and boldly told him, "We don't need to figure it out, God is working."  You see, I don't believe that God gave me two babies and took them away, no God does not intentionally hurt us that way, but I do believe he had been healing me (I had Stage 4 Endometriosis).  

After each of those miscarriages I thanked God and I began repeating Psalm 52:9, "I will praise you forever for what you have done; in your name I will hope, for your name is good.  I will praise you in the presence of your saint." 

That is not to say that we didn't mourn those miscarriages, but instead of focusing on the loss we decided to focus on the gain (getting pregnant).  Only through the strength and peace of God were we able to be thankful. We are reassured in John 16:33, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world."

In January 2013, we discovered that our miscarriages had lead to a blocked fallopian tube; one more obstacle to overcome.  "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast" (1 Peter 5:10).  

We didn't seek treatment to unblock my fallopian tube, we sought God.  We prayed, we believed, we quoted scripture, and we took action through tithing.  Spring of 2013 we found ourselves experiencing an incredible amount of peace; a God-given peace.  I wrote several verses on my bathroom mirror and around my office at work.  Matthew 21:22, "And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive" was a go-to verse for me.  We had been praying for four years to be blessed with a child, but had we been believing?  I mean truly, 100%, without a doubt, believing that we would become pregnant?  I don't think we were.  I think there was a little self-doubt for me, each month, when I knew in a few short days I either would or wouldn't be pregnant.  I had doubt, I didn't fully believe.  But when we made the decision to fully trust God, putting all of our faith in Him, that doubt was removed.  In April 2014 we welcomed a healthy, full-term baby boy and in November we will be welcoming another precious child.  Only through Christ Jesus is this even possible.

So I'm asking you: remove the doubt, forget what the doctors have said, rebel against the earthly answers and shout out to God.  He is sitting patiently, waiting for you to call on His name and believe that He will fulfill the desires of your heart. 

I am praying for each and every one of you who is on the infertility journey.  You are not alone.  

Here are some more verses we leaned on during our journey:
Psalm 33:20 "We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield."

Psalm 39:7 "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you."

2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Galatians 6:9 "And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint." 


In Christ,

Sarah

Weekly Verse: 12/29

As 2013 comes to a close and this is the last Sunday of the year, I post my last verse(s). 

But before I do, let me take you through this 52 week journey. I started this journey with the idea of simply memorizing a verse and sharing it weekly. I quickly realized that an anecdote, along with the verse helped me with memorization. 

After a few weeks, I realized that I didn't just want to memorize verses but use each "weekly scripture" as a message. I would spend so much time reading His word and searching for the perfect verse or verses to go along with what I was going through that past or upcoming week.  As a result my relationship with Christ has become stronger than ever!

If you need a New Year's resolution may I suggest this: Dig deeper into the Word! Read a few verses each week, memorize a verse each month, read the entire Bible! But dig into your faith, you'll be amazed at how much it changes your life! 

My verses for this week are part of my prayers for each of you as you enter into the new year.  God bless you and Happy New Year. 

Paul's Prayers for Spiritual Wisdom:

For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in His holy people, and His incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength (Ephesians 1:15-19 NIV)

Weekly Verse: 12/19

So, I just realized today is Thursday and I never posted my weekly verse.  Pregnancy Brain must be getting to me.  However, this slip couldn't have come at a better time.  I'm sure you've all heard about the A&E/Phil Robertson controversy and I think that could stand to be addressed.

I want you to think about this for just moment:
Phil Robertson voiced an opinion, a belief, and in a country where we have Freedom of Speech he is being punished for his "politically incorrect" views.  Wait!  Before you bite my head off, let me state that I do firmly believe that his comments were crude; however, that is my opinion and I am entitled to it.  It is also my opinion that he has every right to stand by his faith and speak up for things he doesn't believe in.  He quotes the word of God, and while his beliefs may not be popular or accepted by society he is entitled to them.

I spent years in the high school English classroom teaching my students about debating topics.  We debated some very touchy subjects (war, religion, politics, etc).  However in my classroom students were taught that they were to respect everyone's opinion.  That doesn't mean they had to agree with it, but they had to respect it and accept it as an opinion or belief.  I had 11th grade students, 16 year olds, who understood this better than our media-driven society.  People think that just because something offends them (especially if it is related to the Bible and Christianity) that they should condemn others and punish them for exercising a right that was bestowed on our country (which was founded on Christian beliefs).

I applaud Phil Robertson for standing up for his beliefs.  I don't agree with his choice of words, but I don't have to.  He stood on the word of God and supported his statements with Biblical facts.

This week's verse focuses on just that:
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness. (Ephesians 6:10-17, ESV)

Weekly Verse: 11/12

This past week, I went searching for a verse for this week.  One that would stand out for me, one that I could relate to.  I just couldn't find the right one, ya know?  Of course there were a few verses that I have bookmarked that I could have used, but I was looking for "the right one".  Yesterday morning, I opened my YouVersion Bible App and the verse of the day was absolutely perfect.  It relates to everyone at any point in their journey.

There have been many times when I've been hanging out with my church friends and we begin talking about why we came to Freedom House, how we met our husbands, just general girl talk.  This is part of our bonding and I love the stories we share. 

What I talk about my past sometimes I am ashamed because I strayed away from Christ and the church for many years.  Granted, I do not divulge all of the nitty gritty details, but it's still hard to think about the person I was for a little while. 

However, even with the few details I do give, these women do not judge me; in fact sometimes I feel like they welcome me in to their circle even more.  Because of my past I'm able to have a future.  I have been able to turn my actions, attitude, etc around and I've become someone others can relate to.

I love that regardless of where we've been and what we've done in our past, we can shed that with a promise in Jesus Christ.  Isn't that so uplifting to hear? It warms my heart knowing all my sin is wiped away and I'm renewed each day.

This week's verse:
Brothers and sisters, I know that I still have a long way to go. But there is one thing I do: I forget what is in the past and try as hard as I can to reach the goal before me. (Philippians 3:13)

Weekly Verse: 8/4

I had a rough morning today...it all started with hitting the snooze button twice causing me to only have 30 minutes to get ready for church. It went downhill from there. I rushed in the shower and as I was getting dressed I realized that my shirt needed to be ironed - something I had absolutely no extra time for. After ironing my shirt, I went to put on make-up. I have never had my make-up do this and I still cannot figure it out. I put the powder on and it turned WHITE; I'm talking clown white! I looked ridiculous. I washed it off and realized I was already leaving late. So I looked at Barrett and asked, "I'm just going to church with no make-up, I don't have time to redo it." (insert grumpy face)

While getting my purse, phone, and keys Barrett asked "Why are you moping? Do you just want to skip church today?" Right then, I knew an attack was coming. The enemy was getting into my head and wanted to do anything he could to keep me from worshiping today. I stood my ground and we headed to the early service, separately, since Barrett had to work this morning. I tried calling Barrett to ask what kind of coffee he wanted, but he didn't answer. I tried two more times with no answer and grew increasingly frustrated. A car cut me off, I grew even more frustrated.

As I pulled onto Salome Ch Rd, I asked God for help. "Lord, I am in a funk. Please wash over me and turn my attitude around."

During worship & tithing, Barrett's co-workers were texting him, and he was texting them back! I was fuming! I thought about scolding him, but decided against it. I am not his mother and this is taking my focus away. After tithing, an additional song was performed, "In Christ Alone." I leaned over to Kendra and said "I LOVE this song!" After the 1st verse, tears came.... When the 3rd verse came and we sang " For I am His and He is mine/Bought with the precious blood of Christ" I stood to my feet, hands raised, tears streaming down my face and felt the love of Christ cover me like a comforting blanket. All frustration, anger, and ill-feelings left me.

My day has completely turned around. I'm having a GREAT day today and it's all because of our Lord and Savior!

This week's verse is about being rooted in our faith:

As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving. (Colossians 2:6-7, NKJV)