Friday, February 14, 2014

Pickles, Ice Cream, and Flatulence Part 2

Here is the long awaited for Part 2 of Pickles, Ice Cream, and Flatulence.  I hope you're ready because it only gets better from here!  In the race to have babies, Barrett and I apparently ran a marathon instead of a sprint.  After 4 years of trying to get pregnant it is safe to say that we have a LOT of friends who have had babies.  These friends have been wonderful when it comes to preparing me for pregnancy, but sometimes I think they forget about some of the symptoms they had.  Now, every pregnancy is different so not everyone experiences the same symptoms, and heck maybe the joy of having your little one in your arms causes you to forget about these weird changes in your body, but here are a few more things that I think got left out of the advice.

Spreading:  I don't know if there is a medical term for I will just call it what it is "spreading".  Here's an idea of what spreading feels like:  Think back to when you were about 10 or 12 and riding your bike.  Mine was pink and white, I loved that bike!  Now, think about getting your speed up, you're standing up on your pedals trying to build your speed, but then your foot slips off the pedal and you go crashing onto the metal bar, straddling it!!   Remember that?  That's what spreading feels like, bruising your lady parts.  I like to believe this is when waddling begins!  It's not a constant pain or uncomfortable feeling, but every now and then you'll feel like you've been kicked in the crotch and waddling is the only way to walk comfortably.

Unwarranted Advice:  Oh this one is tricky.  I was warned that people would be giving me lots of advice and I am welcome to listening to it.  I will even take your advice into consideration and weigh my options.  However, there are some women who give advice in such a negative, Debbie Downer kind of way that it becomes annoying.  For instance, I am aware that my time will be depleted - I am having a baby: he will not sleep through the night, he will be fussy, he will poop his diaper right after I've changed it, etc etc.  But it's the way these women give their advice with condescending tones in their voices "Oh honey (little snicker) you won't have time to wash your hair or even do your make up, much less use the bathroom." And the advice and negative tones just go on and on.  I can only imagine how it gets after the baby comes....oh my!  Earplugs please :)

Immobility:  Here's another symptom that folks semi-warned me about.  I was told it would be difficult to put on my shoes and socks.  I was told that I wouldn't see my feet for while - seriously I know they're there, but I'm not sure what they look like anymore.  I do not feel that I was fully prepared for the inability to move though.  Recently I dropped some of my dinner on the floor, and typically the 5 second rule would take place (5 seconds? yeah right, it's gonna take me about 7 minutes to squat down and pick that up) so I called out for our dog, Buckler, to come clean the floor instead.  Good thing he likes steamed vegetables.
Side note:  As soon as you find out you're pregnant, get a dog!  He will help keep the floor clean when you can't reach it anymore :)

Maternity Clothes Don't Fit Anymore:  You know that maternity wardrobe that you excitedly bought when you were 3 or 4 months pregnant?  Yeah, they don't fit any more.  Those cute little tunics, now look like belly shirts and those maternity pants are starting to cut off your circulation or press on your bladder even more than your baby.  If you're in your 3rd trimester, switch to leggings and wear them for the last 3 months! 

Leaky Breasts:  Your milk's in!  Congratulations!  Now, this doesn't compare to what will come after the baby is here, but the first time you experience this you might freak out a little bit.  I had NO idea what was going on - "why is my boob wet?".  Since it's clear (it's actually colostrum) I frantically ran to research it and text one of my girlfriends to make sure I wasn't a freak of nature.  Side Note:  Please inform your spouse of this new side effect before you get intimate again.  He doesn't want that surprise - trust me!

Leaky Lady Parts:  Are you in your 3rd trimester?  Have you peed your pants yet?  If not, consider yourself lucky.  This is one side effect that is certainly different for every woman.  Some may never pee their paints, but for many moms-to-be at some point there will probably be a little leakage.  Most likely this will occur when you are: laughing, sneezing, coughing....talking, walking, sleeping, who knows.  Just be prepared.  Take an extra pair of panties with you EVERY where you go, or wear a panty liner.

If you're reading this and your pregnant:  Congratulations!  I hope this isn't scary or intimidating...I just want you to be prepared.  And remember, like my husband has said many times: "I'm sorry, but I relish in your uncomfortableness because I know that means there's a growing baby in there!"

And don't worry friends:  I will be posting plenty when the baby arrives...I won't be sleeping so I might as well write my blog, right?

Until next time.....